This is a life story all about you. When I found out I was pregnant with you, it started to snow. It was a miracle. I loved puttting the headphones on my belly and letting you listen to Hotel California. You would kick me up a storm. You loved lying on my right side. Your heel would dig into my ribs, but that is ok. I loved every minute of it. There was seven weeks before you would come into the world. I could not wait. I went for a walk with Grandma Linda and I tripped on a rock. I had on my flip flops which was the first mistake. I did not hit my belly. I protected you. So I said I was fine. And we continued our walk. When I got home, you were kicking up a storm again. About Six hours later, I thought I went pee in my pants. Well when I got to the bathroom, I screamed. I was hemmoraging bad. So I had to get into the ambulence. When we got to the Hospital, you were born by c-section. You weighed 3lbs. 5 oz. when you were born. I was so happy to see you. I spent a week in the Hospital with you. Then the Doctor said that you were too little to come home. It would be 6-8 weeks till you could come home. I called you my little UPS package. So I went home that day and I went to a friend's house and told them something was wrong with you. They said no, you are just missing your baby. Sure enough I get a call saying that we had to go down to the Hospital right away because you were not going to make it through the weekend. So we went to the Hospital and there you were in the incubator kicking your feet. So we asked the Doctor a lot of questions. You had a heart disease called Hypo Plastic Left Heart Syndrome (HPLS). So anyway the Doctor said you were too small to operate and there was nothing they could do for you. They said that eventually you would go to sleep and never wake up. So we asked if we could bring you home to be with your family. They were against it at first, but then they said yes. So we brought you home. Grandma Linda got mad at first. She said we should bring you back to the Hospital, but I told her that there was nothing more they could do. So I wanted you home with the family. So every three hours I would have to tube feed you, because you were too weak to drink from a bottle. I enjoyed getting up with you. I loved spending time with you. You were home with us for a couple of weeks. Then one day, you had your oxygen on and you started turning a little gray. So I turned it up a little and you still looked gray. So I turned it up a little more and the same thing, you were gray. So I told your father we needed to bring you to the Hospital. So when we got there, they put you in a incubator and your color was getting back to normal. They said we want to keep him over night for observation. I was not leaving this time. So me and your father stayed. At 3:15am, the nurse woke me up and said I think you should hold your baby. I really did not want to because I knew things were not looking well. So I held you and you smiled up at me. Well 3:25am the nurse listened to your heart beat and she said I am sorry but the heart beat is slowing down. I knew this was it. Then at 3:32am I noticed you were sleeping. The nurse came back in and listened to your heart again. She said I am so sorry. Your baby is gone. The heart beat had stopped. You went to sleep in my arms. So I held you for a while longer. I even got to change your diaper for the last time. We had family all around us. Then after a couple of hours, the people came in with a little box and took you from me. Then something special happened to only me. Your left eye was open looking at only me, mommy. Then when they put you in the box, you shut your eye. It is like you were saying good-bye mommy. That is the special thing that we had between us. So the next day we planned your funeral. There was so many people there, that some were standing outside. We had the song It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday playing at the funeral. I can't listen to that song ever again. I got to see you for the very last time. You looked like a doll sleeping. The color of your skin was so perfect, pink. I even wrote a poem for you that was read at the funeral. I will share it on this life story. "To our son who is so special to us: Philip Allen Fay, Jr.
We love you so much. You are a very special little boy. Even if you are up in heaven with family, we will always love you. We've got your pictures for memories, but what we really want is you. We will miss you very much. When daddy goes fishing, it will be you that he is catching the fish for. When mommy is singing, it will be your song I am singing. You will always be in mommy and daddy's heart, Philip. We will never forget you. Goodbye our son."